Valentine’s Day – Nigerian Truths

Gotta get some things off my chest real quick people…

Let me shot-out and toast that “Douche Bag” parking meter officer that gave me a ticket a few days back. Hope you made a nice little commission off that.

A few things went down since I last kicked it with you all on the blogspot. I heard about the British born Nigerian aspiring hip-hop artist who passed away after complications gone wrong from a “buttock-implant” surgery. SMH!!! This takes the meaning “the price of fame” to a whole new level. The thought of Nigerian women parading around enhancing their diary aire trying to be the next Nicki Manaj in itself is hilarious. 

A Congressman here in the DMV is forced to resign after a sex scandal gone wrong on the internet.  Truth is you never under estimate a scorned black woman and what she is capable of when she wants to settle a quarrel. 

The "Supa Eagles" played their first football match back home in Lagos in almost a decade this week and looked good against Sierra Leone.  Hey, I will take it... Sandwiches???

Damn!!!  Twitter is now valued at $10 billion.  Man I gotta come up with the next big thing.  Oh, I did already.  It’s my blogspot. Looool.

Just got word today that Egypt’s leader has agreed to step-down, I wonder what country is next. 

Man, let me big up the entire “My Omo Naija” team for all of their help, ideas, technical assistance and support these past few months.  Let’s keep grinding!!!

Aright, let me get focused…

One of the most comical things when I go to Nigeria to visit family is listening and conversing with guys who now live abroad but just left their villages in less than a year’s time doing everything in their power to let the world know of their new found British accents and their B-Boyish American swag!!!  I swear everything that is said out of their mouths comes out wrong and it is always the “Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean mate” or they say things like “Nah mean or Yo! Yo son you know what am saying, Am Da Biggest Boss”!!! SMH…

I’ve got something that trumps all of that and it is “Valentine’s Day”.  For some reason, I believe two of the last three trips I made to Nigeria was during this silly hallmark event that Nigeria has now gone crazy over. (BTW, I did not intentionally go home to Nigeria to dodge my Valentine’s Day responsibilities but I am not complaining either LMAO!!!) Seriously, I was in shock the first time I was home in Lagos several years ago during one of my visits when this phenomenon hit me. 

All I saw was a sea of black love, in this case “Nigerian love” all around me and I could not get around Victoria Island in peace because everybody was out. Valentine’s Day has become a big deal and big business in cities like Lagos, Abuja and Port Harcourt.  It is impossible to get a space to dine; fast food joints are jam packed and best not forget that the traffic is unbearable.  Major corporate organizations like mobile phone operators (text promotions), banks, restaurant’s all advertise in the preceding weeks for Valentine’s Day in a manner that looks similar to that of the promotions for Christmas shopping overseas.  It is has become a money making opportunity and has also become tremendously commercialized in Nigeria. A new feature is the introduction of Valentine’s Day “Hampers” (gift basket). This is the creation of the slick and savvy business people (mostly ladies) who usually do this type of brisk business during the holiday seasons and celebrations. Some of the “Hampers” range from $300 - $2000 which in Naira is from N50,000 – N300,000 containing such items like perfumes, chocolates, cakes, cards, jewelry, etc…    

Lets’ get down to business….what is the root of Valentine’s Day and how did this event take on a life of its own, especially amongst those that live under destitute circumstances? So all of this got me to start thinking, do Nigerians even understand the significance and meaning behind this whole occasion? I mean, when I was growing up and going to school in Lagos, nobody I knew was parading around town with their significant other claiming to be each other’s Valentine. Or is it more like anything and everything else, because something is recognized in the western world, then we have to dive right into it and claim it.  So let me guess, pretty soon we all are going to start parading around town on October 31^st each year in customs and masks; walking our poorly lit streets asking for Tom Tom candy and sweets to celebrate “Halloween”??? 

Anyways let me give my peoples a few things to ponder about this day that you now claim and circle on the calendar:

• The origin of February 14^th as Valentine’s Day remains a mystery.

• It is named after the enigmatic St. Valentine. So unless you are Christian, should you be really part-taking in this activity?

• Who decided that candy, flowers and gifts should be standard in the exchange between loved ones?

• Are you truly giving your relationship a boost by indulging in this occasion or are you being taking advantage of by a capitalist society?

Panko's - Things to expect on Valentine's Day in Nigeria

• "My Omo Naijas" spend and concentrate their energy and efforts more on being seen in public by others rather than actually giving their undivided attention to the person sitting across the table from them.

• A child will be utterly disappointed after his father who lives in the village across town comes around on his next visit and attempts to explain that the reason he is unable to pay his/her school fees is because he just spent over N50,000 ($300) on a Valentine's Day Hamper.

• The chocolate purchased at the store during the day melts or/and smears all over your lover's hands by the time you present it to her due to that blazing "Afrikan" hot sun!!!

• At least one couple will be riding separately or together in the back of an "Okada" (motor bike taxi) in order to reach their destination for the special evening.  Those Okada drivers are maddening!!!

• If you are married to two or more women and only decide to take your newest or youngest wife out for dinner, just know that the pieces of glass and rocks you are chewing on at dinner the following evening prepared by the other wife was just a total coincidence.

• You already know that wherever you decide to go celebrate Valentine's Day, you both will be sitting in a restaurant or establishment that will be out of running electricity and you will be breathing in fumes from the generator most of the evening.

• "My Omo Naijas" like to make a very big and bold statement with everything, but the big oversize massive Valentine's Day cards are not a good look.  Why is it that only in Nigeria do I still see these made? Its 2011 people!!! 

Please Don't Be That Guy...